Let's get real...with a splash of Barranquilla and Puerto Colombia

No, not Colombia...Malibu.  Remember how the Pacific Ocean is blue and not green?!

Dudes, I am homesick for the first time. My mom flew me to California last weekend for a girls' weekend (thanks mom!) and ever since coming back, I've been hardcore homesick. Well, hardcore for me. I guess it's pretty good that it took me 7 months to get homesick, but I am not enjoying it. For instance, tonight I walked dejectedly home in the rain from James' work. When I arrived home, I curled up under my sheet and ate a brownie and like 3 chocolate bars (OK, so maybe biology isn't exactly in my favor this week either, if you know what I mean).

I don't write this for sympathy, or so that our families will call us and order us to come home (please don't do that), but rather to be real. Everything is not cool adventure all the time. There are times that I really dislike Colombia. Guys, it's HARD living in another country. America, with all of its flaws, is still an AMAZING place. Especially for those of us who grew up there. Other countries are not America (duh), despite the American stores and fast food popping up all over the world. There are many things that I personally think Colombia does better than America. But in reality, those numbers are much lower than the number of things that I think America does better than Colombia.

So for any of you out there that think "if Ariel and James can do it, so can I!", you need to be real with yourself. I don't want to deter you from having the awesome adventure that we are having, but I want you to really do some soul searching and make sure you don't commit yourself to something you can't handle. Colombia in most ways has either simply met or exceeded my expectations. There have been very few big disappointments, because I had very few incorrect assumptions about what it would be like here, thanks to my husband's South America experience and my research. However, that does not mean that the things I expected/prepared myself for are not still super frustrating. Once again, this is not America. Things are not the same here. I can't communicate with most people. I don't know the customs or even simple things like where to stand in line at a bank, immigration, etc. And it's HARD. I'm sure many of you are more daring and less inhibited than I am, and for you, life will probably be much easier. Hello, I'm married to that person. I know that he has fewer struggles than I do because he puts himself out there (Spanish fluency aside). But even he gets frustrated a lot. Sometimes you are just going to have bad days. And sometimes I tell James "I'm not in the mood for Colombia today." Because it's just different and I miss my familiar things. 

That being said, even if I don't learn Spanish, even if I don't become more humble and tolerant and less spoiled, I could never deny that this has been and will continue to be a great experience. Unless James or I get kidnapped or die, there will be no regret for me. I have no doubt that I will fondly look back on my time in Colombia for the rest of my life. We'll be home sooner than I think and then I'm sure I'll miss the simple life we have had here. So my advice to you (and myself), if Colombia or _____ (insert country here) has got you down, you should try to think about the good. Because I can guarantee you can find some. And, I'm finding it pretty cathartic to pound these thoughts out on my keyboard and send them into the great unknown. So also start a blog and make people read your rants.

Now to the happy...we went on some adventures recently!

Two weekends ago, we went to Barranquilla with the gringos. Barranquilla is a city about an hour and a half north of us on the coast. When we went to Santa Marta in February, we passed through the edge, but we didn't get to see much of the city. This time, we stayed with a gringos in a super swanky apartment provided by gringo dad's job (job perks, what?!). It was super cool, but also still a little Colombian (see art and accessories).

We went up there to go to the zoo with the girls...and because Barranquilla has a Costco-like store where they sell some American things in bulk. Uh, yes please!  I know what you want to know...what were our highlights from the MockCo (get it?)? The best things we got were Ghirardelli brownies and dill pickles. You know, the comfort food. The zoo was cool, but not as cool as the aviary because it was just like any zoo.

But it did have a white tiger so...

The coolest part of Barranquilla was the city itself. As we were driving around, I said it looked kind of like North LA and James said it looked kind of like San Diego. So that should give you a picture? It was very urban and I almost didn't feel like I was in Colombia. They even had Arizona style tract homes! I think that if we had visited Barranquilla when we first came to Colombia, I would have picked to live there rather than Cartagena, just because it looked more like home. But having lived here a while, I'm super happy we picked the city with all of the cool history. But it was fun to visit. We spent a little time in the apartment pool (of which there were three...pupi) and the only other person at the pool happened to be another American. Pretty weird, right? When he was leaving, he was searching for his daughter's toys in the filter and to everyone's surprise, found a dead bat. Yep, a dead bat. We were all pretty grossed out, but we continued to swim in the pool for like another hour. That is how Colombia changes you...I swam in a pool knowing that there was a dead bat just rotting in the same water. Maybe that's why I've been feeling rabid lately...joke. It was also raining ash the whole time we were there, which we never really got an explanation for.

The next morning, we went to a church that was on our drive home because we wanted to go to a tiny Colombian branch instead of a big Barranquilla ward. It was in a super cute beach town called Puerto Colombia that was one of the cutest/prettiest places I've seen here. I think if I had been there before we had moved, I would have wanted to live there. But I'm pretty sure there wasn't a Subway there so...dealbreaker.

Also no real beach...another dealbreaker.  But beautiful, right?!

But this branch was everything I wanted it to be. It was in a building that they converted from a house maybe? into a "church". There were like 5 rooms total. We didn't stick around long enough to see how Sunday School, Relief Society, etc. worked, but I feel like that might have just been frustrating rather than funny/cool. There were like 20 members crammed into this main room, and with the 7 in our party, we made it really squishy. The first woman that got up to speak said she was really nervous, and I'm pretty sure it's because we increased their congregation by 30%. They even took a picture at the end of sacrament meeting because there were "so many people". But because we were all smushed in this little room which had both front and back doors open to the traffic noise outside, we were ultra hot. Definitely no air conditioning in this building!

For some reason, when converting this building, they decided to keep these two fish paintings.  Clearly the best choice.

Most of the Colombian women had those Chinese folding fans (which people actually use here, by the way) and one hermana next to me gave her fan to gringa mom because 4 year old gringa was beet red. The members were so nice. But speaking of 4 year old gringa, she decided she needed to go potty during sacrament meeting (luckily they had restrooms!) and so gringa mom kept looking over to see when the person currently inside the bathroom came out. The hermana next to me misunderstood that and just thought it was going to be too hard for gringa mom to get over there, I assume? Because hermana tried to motion to gringa mom that she would take 4 year old gringa to the bathroom for her. Super nice, but also super weird. There would definitely be some stranger danger alarms going on in the states, but she was just a super nice Colombian woman.

When we went outside to our car, we noticed the baptismal font attached to the side of the building. I went over to investigate because, awesome, and there was a mangy dog sleeping in the bottom of it. If I were to have a picture that summed up our time in Puerto Colombia, this would be it.

If you squint, you can see his little eyes back there.

While I was back in the states, James went on a couple of adventures of his own. But I'm going to make him write that blog, since he had some pretty hilarious experiences. So until he decides he wants to do that...hasta luego!

This is the second time this weird natural mushroom cloud has appeared over James' school.  Bad omen?

Aviary, Playa Blanca, and park trampolines

 

I mostly just wanted to share more about the aviary, so I don't have as much stuff as usual.  But some of you may thank me for that :)

Life as we know it:

-We've moved from Moth Month to Dragonfly Days (alliteration courtesy of James). But seriously, we rarely have moths now and we have 1 or 2 dragonflies a day, which I think is a lot. And Ant Año continues to plague us with no end in sight.

-We have been on a quest for good pizza because, for some reason, that seems to be the food we miss most. The pizza in Cartagena is actually alright...but not anywhere near the level of pizza in the states. But our salvation has come...Dominos opened up around the corner! Ok, really, it's like a mile away, but to us that's around the corner. We've already been twice. James thinks it's amazing, I think it still has a Colombianness about it, but I'm grateful nonetheless.

-We found a park with a freaking trampoline in it. Why doesn't every park in the states have a tramp?! Oh, liability? Right...but these are the reasons we love Colombia.

This is a terrible picture, but trust me, that's a tramp.

-We baptized the oldest gringa girl last Sunday. They were filling up the font when we came to church at 9:00, and by the time church was over at 12:00, the font had like 6 inches of water in it. They decided to start the program and see if it filled up anymore. By the time they baptized her, it had maybe a foot of water. So that was fun. But this little girl had the coolest baptism ever: 1) it was on her actual birthday, 2) it was in COLOMBIA, 3) she was baptized and confirmed in Spanish 4) both of her grandmas had recorded video talks which they played on the church TV 5) she got to be baptized in her white dress instead of one of those jumpsuits 6) she was baptized in a foot of water. Coolest baptism ever.

-We went to the aviary, which is one of the coolest things we've done in Colombia (pictures on Facebook). It was exactly how I wanted it to be...no people, cageless animals, and no supervision. Actually, it was even better, because it was surprisingly clean, well maintained and HUGE. And I could never have imagined that many different types of interesting birds if I tried. It was so cool! We went with the other gringos from our ward who have 3 girls under the age of 8. Things are always more hilarious with kids. We were the first ones in the park, and saw maybe 2 or 3 other families in the 2 1/2 hours that we were there. Right when we walked in there were 2 peacocks just chilling 5 feet away from us. Then we walked a few feet to an artificial tree full of colorful parrots. And then before we even started on the path, we saw two more peacocks, one of which had his tail spread out. These freaking birds were just right out there for us to get as close as we wanted! I loved it. I mean, we didn't really get that close, because birds are kind of gross...but still pretty exciting. Some of the birds were cute and others were super evil looking.

Also, there were giant iguanas everywhere! And, in 2 or 3 areas, they had a hammock. You know, just in case you come to the aviary to relax in the shadow of bird trees. Towards the end, we came to an ampitheatre where we assume they usually have bird shows? The stands were empty except for 3 middle-aged Colombian women and the trainers were just feeding birds on the stage. The trainers let the girls get on the stage with the birds and let everyone feed them. The birds climbed on the James' shoulder and then the girls' heads and no one was alarmed. Those trainers for sure would have let us walk around the park with those birds if we'd asked, I'm pretty sure. Things are just so chill in Colombia. 

After we went to the aviary, we decided to go find the road to the fabled Playa Blanca. This is the main tourist attraction of Cartagena, even though it's an hour plus from Cartagena. But this is the thing that all of the gringos and most of the Colombian tourists do while staying in Cartagena.  It's a white sand beach and it's usually a day trip by boat, but as we found out, you can drive there as well. James and I have contemplated going to Playa Blanca for many an occassion but it has never really worked out. I'm glad we went and scoped things out, because it is very different than I thought it would be. Playa Blanca is known for its beach vendors. We had heard that they were bad, but we think the vendors in the beaches in Cartagena are bad, so we thought it probably wouldn't be that different. Before we even turned off the main road, we had 8 guys surround the car, trying to sell us a parking spot. We didn't even stop the car to listen to them, and so 3 of them hopped on the car. Seriously. It's was so funny. The family we were with has an SUV, so the 3 Colombians just hopped on and held on, all the while shouting things at us. Now if I had been a 4, 6, or 8 year old in the backseat while this happened, I would have freaked. But I think because all of us were laughing and joking about it, the girls had a momentary scare and then were fine. Kudos to them. So we drive with 3 Colombians on our car for about 1/2 mile, and then he stopped the car and yelled at them to get off. We decided to park for a few minutes and just walk down and check it out, since we weren't in beach clothes and the poor kids had just walked around a hot aviary for 2 1/2 hours. My first impression: Man does the sun radiate off of that white sand! At this point, we still can't see the water, even though it's 50 feet from us, because there are HUNDREDS of huts looming in front of us with everything from food to hammocks for rent to beach gear, etc. It was crazy. We get down to where we can see the water and it's beautiful. But even the water was hot! And there were crazy amounts of people. And the beach vendors did seem to be extra crazy. So our overall impression was...hmmm, maybe it's worth the money to go pay for a resort with a private beach and healthy cooking conditions. I'm glad we went, because I think if we had stuck with our original plan, I would have been ultra hot, annoyed, and disappointed. Now we know!

-Our neighbor gets up every morning at 6:00 AM and blows his nose for like 15 minutes. It's hilarious. Our building is actually pretty quiet...we never hear our neighbors except for through the open windows. But the power behind this guys' incessant nose blowing echos through our house a few times a day. Anyone want to send us some Benadryll so we can change this poor guy's life?

The lady at the immigration office was named Yuranis.  Get it?

Differences between Colombia and the states:

-In Latin America, people from the United States are not considered "Americans"...we're either from the states or North American. People get offended if you tell them you're American. They say "I'm American too" because they live in South America. Luckily, James warned me of this before we got here, so I haven't made that faux pas. But I hear tourists say that all the time. I just think it's confusing though...my boss told one of the kids' dads that I was a North American and he asked if I was from Mexico. Yeah, because there are 3 countries in North America. But, I get it. Technically we are all Americans. But the rest of the world refers to people from the United States as Americans, so they're kind of the weird ones.

-When a building is abandoned, they block the doorway and windows with bricks and cement to prevent squatters. Not a bad idea, except I would think the property damage isn't worth it. But they also tear down the building 90% of the time, so I guess it's worth it.

-They have a "walk of Miss Colombias" (as I like to refer to it). Every beauty queen for like the last century. These Colombian teenage girls were discussing the merits of each. Why aren't American girls this excited about beauty queens anymore?

Until next time...

 

Colombian daughter, learning Spanish, and American tourists

Every night guys.  Every night.

I don't even know anymore...6 months in as of yesterday, I think? We're just here living the dream in Colombia!

Fun experiences:

-Last weekend, we took a bus to the movies. It was a Saturday, so the bus was crammed. Luckily, James and I found seats, but they were not next to each other. James sat across the aisle from a 11ish year old little girl wearing a New England Patriots hat. Compared to Mexico, Colombians don't wear very much American/English stuff, so I was surprised that she had 1) a beanie in 100 degree weather and 2) a hat for an American football team. As soon as James sat down, she immediately turned towards him and started chatting. She was really excited to talk to a gringo and talk about American stuff. Clearly by the reaction of her family, and James' insta-smile, she was quite the character. She asked if I was his sister (just what every wife wants to hear).  She was delighted to hear that I was actually his wife, and started introducing us to all of her family members on the bus. James told her that I didn't know very much Spanish and the girl should try to teach me. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear her very well from my seat, but what I did catch was "Do you want me to be your daughter?" (but in Spanish, obviously). She's the best person we've met in Colombia.

-James is becoming THE gringo at his work...for the 4th of July, they had him go to the main campus and have a staged "discussion" with another teacher about America in front of students. So that was fun. And then yesterday, they asked him to be in their promotional video as the token gringo, so he was filmed having another fake conversation. I would love to elaborate on these seemingly interesting happenings, but this was all I got from him.

Differences between Colombia and the states...and miscellaneous observations:

-Masterchef Mexico Junior is quickly becoming my favorite show. I try to watch at least one show in actual Spanish (not a show filmed in English, then dubbed in Spanish), and this is the one that I often catch. It's my favorite because 1) I love listening to kids speak Spanish and 2) I don't understand the competition. I'm sure it's just like all the other Masterchef shows...it has a balcony where 1-4 people get awarded and don't have to cook? That seems weird on a cooking show. And there's a nun...I have absolutely no idea why. It seems like she's mostly there as comedic relief and to comfort the kids when the judges make them cry...which is often. It's funny and sad all at the same time. Oh yeah, and I learn Spanish.

-A lot of people in our area will walk around barefoot on the dog poop-, human urine-, and trash-covered sidewalks. To be fair, we live on a beach, and lots of people walk around Laguna Beach, etc. barefoot too. But Colombians are CRAZY about getting sand off of their feet after being on the beach. They usually pour water out of a water bottle all over everyone's feet. Uh, hello! You'll pour water that you PAID FOR over your feet to get sand off, but you'll walk around barefoot on the dirty sidewalk any other time of the day? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Carnival amongst the trash

-Because it's 100 degrees ALL THE TIME, most of the women/children wear sandals. One thing we've seen a lot is that they will walk around with one of their toes sticking out of the straps. It just hurts me to look at. Maybe it's a trend here...

I know what you're thinking...this definitely deserves a picture.



-Gringos visit our ward a lot. Like I would say we get on average 1 couple a week. So it's fun to get to speak English and learn about people's trips. When we ask the gringos what their favorite part of the trip has been, they say they LOVE the fruit juices here. Our reaction is always "really?" (said in the same tone as "her?" when referring to Egg on Arrested Development), because we just haven't been impressed. So we've asked multiple gringos and plenty of Colombians which fruit juices we should try, and then we try them, and our opinion is still...meh. At our favorite restaurant, she makes a good maracuya (passion fruit) smoothie, but that's really the only thing we've liked a lot. The other problem is that juice is more expensive than pop. Everything is more expensive than pop. So why not just get pop?

-Have I mentioned that they don't have lemons here?  Limon in Spanish is either lime OR lemon, which is super weird. But it's not super confusing here, because lemons just don't really exist. Even though I know this, I always get excited when I see "limonada" because I think I'm going to get lemonade. I don't. I get limeade. Which can be tasty...but never as tasty as lemonade.

-I love my name. I didn't always, because as you can imagine, I get teased a lot. I hated that when I was a kid, but now I like that it's unique. It's less unique in Latin America however...because a lot of guys are named Ariel. D'oh! When I tell people my name here, I always say "Ariel...como La Serenita" ("like the Little Mermaid") because otherwise they are confused. They think 1) that they heard wrong because Ariel is a boy's name or 2) that I said "Adiel" or "Adrian", etc. because my Spanish accent is so bad. So it's just easy to bring up La Serenita so there's no confusion. However, now a few Colombians affectionately call me "La Serenita". It's just like being at home!

-While talking with our sister the other day, we made a realization...we go to the beach here less than we did in California! I'm as shocked as you are. I think we just take it for granted because it's ALWAYS there now. The first thing I look at when I wake up is the beach, and the last thing I look at before I go to bed is the beach. And there's plenty of viewing/walking near between that. It's just so nice to sit in bed and stare at the beauty from afar, instead of actually going down and sitting in the sweltering heat amongst piles of trash. So, sorry, not sorry.

-One thing I've learned in my quest for learning Spanish is that a lot of learning a new language is just finding easier way to say things. Really, I just need 5-10 verbs and I can say almost anything. Maybe not with the eloquence that I can have while speaking English, but it gets the job done. But I think the Colombians probably think I'm not very intelligent because I say everything the same way.

-One of our big disappointments about Colombia is that some people seem to really dislike gringos. Before we came here, all we heard is that the Colombian people are so nice. Unfortunately, that has not been our overall experience. I hate to say that, because we have met some of the nicest people ever here, and I'm sure the ratio of nice/not nice people is the same as anywhere else in the world. Nevertheless, I am disappointed. People in the service industry are often grumpy or, at best, just indifferent to us. It frustrates me, because, for instance, I go to the local store 1 to 2 times a week, and see the same rotating 8 employees there. At this point, they recognize me and know I am not just another tourist here for a week. And yet, they are still grumpy and/or indifferent to me, no matter how smiley or friendly I try to be. The reason for this (as I see it) is that Cartagenans (?) are just tired of gringos. And really, they have good reason to be. As we watch other gringos try to vacation in Colombia, we are horrified. Everything the other countries of the world say about American tourists is true. We don't dive into other cultures, we try to turn it into America. At best, we make a show of marveling at their culture, but that's still not super flattering. If you're telling someone how amazing it is that they can live with 3 other families in one house, it's not REALLY a compliment, just you trying to show your superiority over them. A couple of disclaimers: 1) we are guilty of many of these things too (aka eating mainly at Subway and McDonalds when we go out, 90% of the content of this blog, and hello, I still don't speak Spanish) and 2) this is not every American tourist, nor do I think that anyone is doing this with bad intentions. It's just so frustrating to me to see people order ice cream or Subway in English. Seriously?! You can't learn the name of the 6 types of food you put on your sandwich? You can't learn how to simply say "I would like..." and then substitute whatever it is from the menu that you would like to order?! It amazes me. We just expect people to know English, which maybe 1% of Colombians do, and I've got to tell ya, it's almost never people working in the food industry. I honestly hate being lumped in with people like this, even though I can be one of them occasionally. But I try really hard to conform to Colombia, instead of making Colombia conform to me. We would expect a Colombian to conform to America wouldn't we? So why can't we respect the culture and not be THOSE tourists? Sorry for the rant, but maybe it will make everyone conscious of their actions when they leave the country. And then maybe the people of Colombia won't be grumpy to James and me :)

-Colombians HATE their drug rep. People, all the drug stuff went down in the 80s and 90s. It's 2016. It's long gone, at least in this area. I've been watching a lot of videos of people speaking Colombian Spanish so I can get a better ear for it. And you know what they always say? "Colombia is not what people think it is. I love my country and hate that the world only thinks of Colombia in relation to drugs." They are outraged about it! We've had conversations with people about it at church, and James' school, etc. They feel like they need to bring up the fact that Colombia is not what everyone thinks it is. And when we've brought up Sofia Vergara (stupid American tourists!), they talk about how she makes Colombia look stupid. Now that Netflix has the new episodes of Modern Family (!), I've tried to pay attention to the things Gloria says. Not because I really think we should be taking a silly television character seriously, but I like to compare her fake Colombia to our real one. But on the last episode we watched, she said to Manny, "I exaggerate about a lot of things. Colombia is actually pretty normal." And I just felt the whole country of Colombia sing Hallelujah! I like that the Colombian pride we experience here finally had the writers and/or Sofia Vergara give pause and think about what they are doing for Colombia's reputation.

-One thing that is NOT different about Colombia and the states is your accessibility to the Bullingers. We can facetime/skype/facebook messenger video call anytime you would like. See, we did it for our nephew's 2nd birthday. So feel free to video call us any time you want to see our tan, sweaty faces.

Yep, this is me shamelessly showing off our nephew.

Sorry if this got a little heavy...in content and in lists...maybe you can tell I don't speak to very many people every day? :) Every English conversation that I have gets a little long-winded because I'm home alone for a large part of the day. But fear not! I am not lonely and I am very happy with my life. Just don't be surprised if you get to hear about my every thought. But I think I have finally written everything out. So chao for now!

 

Cocaine, futbol, and social awkwardness

This is one street over from James' school, and it took me 3 months of walking past it every day to realize that you get a glimpse of the cathedral.

We are quickly approaching our 6 month anniversary with Colombia, and today at church, two sets of visiting gringos thought that we MAY have been Colombians, before hearing us talk. So we're practically natives now.

Fun experiences:

-Cartagena has a wall surrounding the old part of the city. It's almost 400 years old, 4 km long, and was built to guard the city against pirates. That's right, pirates of the Caribbean. At this point, it's been featured in dozens of our pictures, because we will probably never live near a 400 year old wall ever again and it's pretty cool. One thing we haven't focused on a lot is the fact that the wall is also the place where thousands of modern-day Colombian babies are conceived. The wall has little cubbies and cut outs for the cannons (I'm sure there are names for these things, but I don't care enough to do the research). This is where you can, at most points of the day and definintely any point of the night, see young Colombian couples doing...naughty things. Most of the time you can fool yourself into thinking that they are just making out with gusto, but we witnessed something that was definitely more than making out the other night, just steps from James' school. Hey, I guess you have to take romance where you can get it, eh?

 

-Never in my life have I felt as socially awkward as I feel in Colombia. I knew that I would feel this way, I was prepared for it, but I thought you guys would enjoy hearing my tales of woe:

Colombian women who are anywhere in the aquaintance-to-best friend/relative range give each other besitos, which are little air kisses near the cheek. You've seen this in movies, you know what I'm talking about. Luckily, unlike in Europe, Colombians only kiss on one cheek. I was prepared for this when coming here, because James served in Chile and warned me. So my first besito went off without a hitch the second week we were here. I was proud of myself for not even hesitating or overthinking when a woman at church leaned in to kiss me. But now that I do it all the time...I have gotten into my own head. Here are my fears: 1) That I have actually kissed someone. It's such a quick thing, that I can't be sure that sometimes I am not actually planting one on the lady's cheek. I have no reason to be frightened of this, because I am pretty sure I've never done this, and I don't really think the woman would be anything but pleasantly surprised, but it doesn't stop me from having nightmares about it. It's such a natural, everyday thing for me to kiss my husband on the cheek, so I'm terrified that that instinct takes over and I lay one on a random Colombian woman who I'm just not all that close to. If I ever actually catch myself doing it, you'll be sure to hear about it here. 2) Some women will give you a besito promptly after meeting you, and some will wait a while until you know each other better. So I never know when I should and when I shouldn't. Now I just try to leave it in the Colombian's hands, and go for the besito only after they have already leaned in. But sometimes people seem like they want to, but are afraid of scaring the gringa. C'mon, just kiss me so I know how close you feel to me!

My other social fear is that I will use the incorrect form of "you" in Spanish. Anyone who has ever tried to learn Spanish knows that in Spanish, you can use "tu", which is informal, or "usted", which is more formal. So when I speak Spanish, I almost always deflect to "tu", because it sounds like you, and that's what I use with my husband and Primary kids. But when you're speaking to someone you barely know, or someone who is older than you, or someone who is in a leadership position, it's kind of uncool and impolite to use "tu". Well, really, it's just wrong. So I live in constant fear that I'm going to be really impolite and use "tu" when talking to the Colombian President or something. This goof has happened a few times, but always in situations where I feel like they just smiled and thought "silly gringa". We'll see how long I can get away with that.

-So we live in a nice, middle-class, beach neighborhood, but about two blocks back starts one of Cartagena's sketchy neighborhoods. So to get to one of the malls, we often walk through it (don't worry moms, I've never felt unsafe). Yesterday, on the corner of the end of the nice neighborhood and start of the sketchy, we saw some guys doing cocaine behind a light pole. Just right there in broad daylight. Right where all of the buses pass every 30 seconds. No big deal. And no, despite Colombia's reputation, that is not something we see all the time. That's the first definite exposure to drugs I've had here.

Differences between Colombia and the States:

-Colombians wear white all year round. I have finally found my ideal place! There's no bogus "Memorial Day-Labor Day" rule here. There are many stores solely devoted to the selling of white outfits. And often at formal events, the men wear white suits instead of black. So that's different.

-On a similar note, the women here DRESS UP for formal events. It's like every wedding is a prom. I don't know if I've only seen pupi (see last blog for definition) weddings, or if they really wear long, expensive-looking formal gowns to every occasion, but I really want to get invited to a wedding while we're here so I can have an excuse to buy a formal gown that I will never wear again.

-I still can't fully tack down the eating-out etiquette. One area in which we definitely prove our gringo-ness is in the asking for boxes to take our uneaten food home. Let me break it down...I would fully understand if a country just didn't have take out boxes because that was just not their culture. But Colombia does have them. A lot of people eat their lunches from styrofoam take out boxes because they sell them in the grocery store. So they do exist here. But when you're at a classy restaurant and you ask for a box to take your food home...they take your food in the back, slop it on a piece of aluminum foil, ball it up, and put it in a plastic grocery bag for you. I kid you not. For pizza, they actually have specially shaped aluminum pouches that are shaped like a piece of pizza. So if you have 4 leftover pieces, they give you 4 individually wrapped pizza bags, instead of just a pizza box. The reason I'm really so indignant about this is that I feel I have no choice but to take stuff home with me. If you don't finish your meal here, they ask what was wrong with it, and I'm afraid I've offended many a Colombian by not having a large enough stomach to finish my meal. So I don't get it! I don't have the stomach range to finish a small sandwich at one place, and then be expected to eat half of a chicken the next day at a different restaurant. C'mon Colombia! Make your meals the same size or get better take out boxes!

One of the nicer restaurants we've eaten at...all of the Colombians on the street were taking pictures of it while we were eating, so I thought I needed to document it too.  I can only imagine their pictures turned out just as crappy as this one did.

-We eat Subway a lot. Like once or twice a week. Before you judge me, Subway was my favorite place in the states as well, so I would probably be eating there just as often if I didn't live in Colombia. But I do like the taste of home every once in a while. We also like that it is cheap here. It's cheaper than in the states, and it's even cheap for Colombia. So it's a natural choice. The only problem is that Colombians are the worst Subway sandwich makers ever. These are the skimpiest sandwiches you could ever imagine. "No, when I say I want cebollas, I don't mean I want two tiny slices spaced at either end of the sandwich". Seriously though. And the lettuce is almost always half rotten, so I have forgone lettuce on many a sandwich. Imagine a Subway sandwich without lettuce! And the tomatoes are almost always green, so I usually don't get those either. So Colombian Subway is a poor substitute for American Subway.

Pathetic.

-For those of you who care, the Copa America is going on, which is some big soccer tournament? I'm sure every part of that last sentence was incorrect. James and I...well...we dislike soccer. And EVERY person in Colombia LOVES soccer. Seriously, I have never seen anything like this. At no point in my life has all of America been as passionate about one thing as Colombians are about soccer. Every game night is like the Super Bowl. There are no cars on the street, the grocery stores are empty and everyone is gathered at a friend's house, bar, or restaurant with their eyes glued on the screen. They even have soldiers in the streets with guns just in case people get carried away (which we have never witnessed, just to ease everyone's minds). It just blows me away.

Colombia has made it to the semifinals, which means it's one of the final 4 teams. Alright, I can see why that would be exciting. The game that put Colombia in this position was against Peru. James and I were just innocently watching Downton Abbey when we hear all 8000 of our neighbors scream. Not yell, scream. The uproar was amazing. Then taxis drivers listening to the game on their radio drove by, laying on their horn in support of the team. A few minutes later, 100 motorcycles carrying the Colombian flag drove past our building, honking and yelling away. James and I laughed and cursed ourselves for not getting any of this on film. I decided to look up the score and found that somehow, Colombia had won to Peru 0-0. Uh...what? How do you win a game 0-0? How can an entire nation, really, multiple continents, love this game where a team can somehow win a game 0-0? It just doesn't make sense to me. But clearly there's something I'm missing. Maybe James and I will like soccer by the time we leave here...but don't hold your breath.

-Cartagena has been trying to modernize itself, and has been replacing old signs at landmarks with new signs that include English! While I do not expect Colombia to cater to me, I really am grateful anytime something is in English. But this...can only mostly be considered English. Some of the translations are so bad that they are like nails on a chalkboard to me. So I have come up with a million dollar idea. Why don't we send things to bilingual "translators" to get a somewhat literal translation of something, THEN send it on to a native speaker to make it sound normal. It's a good idea, right?! James doesn't think that people would pay for both a translator and then what is essentially a proofreader, but I think it's all about the marketing. If someone has an idea to help me start my "translating the translator" empire, hit me up.

-Any one who is familiar with Latin culture knows that most people have two last names. We still haven't completely figured it out, but I know most people have their mother's last name and then their father's or husband's? Clearly, I'm the best source for this information. But I bring this up because people always think it's so weird that James and I are both Bullingers, and that we don't have a second last name. I kind of want to make one up just so we can fit in. From now on, you can refer to me as Ariel Bullinger Arroyo.

A lot of, maybe even most, Colombians also have two first names. Maria Clara, Maria Isabella, Rafael Isaias...you get it. The trick is knowing whether they go by the first name, second name, or both. And you just never know. A lot of the girls are Maria Something, but some go by the second name and some need both names, or nicknames of both (aka MariAnje for Maria Alejandra). But no one goes by Maria, because 1 in every 2 girls is named Maria. It's really interesting!

-People always bring their phone chargers with them everywhere they go so they can charge their phones at their job, in stores, when visiting a friend, or in a restaurant. I don't know if people are just too cheap to pay for their own electricity or if the batteries on the phones here go out quicker, but I have never had a phone that needed to be charged as much as these Colombians charge their phones.

-We went to a delicious fruit salad shop last night for dessert. Many of the fruit salads included ice cream, so naturally we had those. I had delicious strawberries and cream with ice cream, and James had the Bogotana, which was this:

 

No, those are not pickles on top. But that is CHEESE! Fruit, wafers, ice cream, and CHEESE! I would have rather died than eaten that. His verdict was that it tasted fine, but had a weird texture. Ugh, I have goosebumps just thinking about it.

Welp, that's it for now. Think of us when you watch the Colombia-Chile game! We'll probably be watching Friends.

　

Batmoth, festivos, and half-finished projects

 

Fun experiences:

-So we are in the midst of rainy season, which just means it rains a few nights a week and maybe during the day once or twice. It hasn't affected us much, except things are FINALLY much greener and it looks more like the South America of our dreams. But we have discovered that rainy season is also moth season. At any given point in our house, there are around 20 moths. In two rooms. TWENTY. And that's a pretty conservative number. James used to go on killing rampages and we'd have enough moth carcasses on the floor and walls to make it seem like a strange reproduction of the Elephant Graveyard, but now there are so many moths that we have just decided to embrace them and become moth people. They leave us alone, mostly, other than occasionally flying right into our faces because they are apparently the stupidest insect that exist. And we've had further sightings of what we like to call...BATMOTH! I don't think this one was as big as the one James saw the first month we were here, but it's a good 4" X 3", which doesn't seem that large, but trust me, it really is. Someday I'll get a picture of it, when I can stop hiding like a girl every time I hear it's bat wings flying in. That's right, I said HEAR.

-A mischievous 2-year-old was stealing things from the purse of his nursery teacher at church last Sunday. Among these were sunglasses (which he promptly broke), hand sanitizer (which he determinately tried to spill everywhere) and a pen (which he would have certainly destroyed, if not for James). James grabbed him and put him on his lap. He promptly chucked the pen across the chapel and struggled to get away from James. James turned him around and started bouncing him, and then the kid saw something that held his interest: James's glasses. He tore them off his face and had his arm upraised to chuck the glasses as well. James and I (yes, it took both of us) wrestled them away from him and hid them. Then he had nothing interesting to play with, SO HE GRABBED JAMES'S EYELID. I love my husband and of course would never imagine laughing at his pain, but...it was one of the funniest things ever. I had the giggles the rest of sacrament meeting, which is not so cute when you're a 25-year-old. Let me reassure you though...no lasting damage was done to James's eyeball, and the little destructor is still going strong.

I like to call this one Sunny, Sunny Night

Differences between the states and Colombia:

-Women hold hands while walking down the street. Friends or family members, doesn't matter. And it doesn't matter how old they are...28-year-old and 45-year-old strolling along, holding hands.

- Colombia has holidays, or festivos, ALL the time. Like usually 1 or 2 every month. Everyone goes to the beach and a lot of the stores are closed. And, of course, we get the day off from work. James has found out some fun facts about some upcoming festivos:

In November, they have a weeklong celebration starting with All Saints Day and ending with Colombia's Independence Day. His students told him that during this, there are more beggars around than usual, and if you don't give them money, they will "get you dirty". When he asked for specifics, they told him that the beggars will wipe their wet hand on you, or fling colored powder on you. Good to know!

Adults do not get presents for Christmas. Oh, the humanity! This is the saddest thing I've learned about Colombia so far. Also, most of the kids don't believe in Santa Claus, but some will write letters to baby Jesus.

For those of you who are Modern Family fans, you probably already know some Colombian New Years traditions. Yes, Gloria's traditions were true. Colombians eat 12 grapes at midnight. They also run around the block with a suitcase if they want to do some traveling in that year. And they wear yellow to make money during the year.

-Colombians say "whisky" instead of "cheese" (or, like you probably thought, "queso") when taking pictures.

-I've talked about money before...our biggest bill is 50 mil, which is less than $20, but they NEVER have change for this. Sometimes, even if you give them 50 mil and your purchase was 40 mil, they don't have 10 mil (a little over $3!) in their drawers! Or, they will give you like thirty 500 or 200 peso coins (about 15 cents and 8 cents), until they have enough change for you. It's insane.

-Tips are usually included on your check at restaurants. It has the subtotal, tax, and then tip. And it's usually only 10%. I like just having it taken care of. Even though the service is usually terrible, I'd still rather not have the hassle.

-The sun here is really strange. I don't know if it's our position in relation to the equator, or just the season, but the sun/sky are white and blinding from about 12-4. It's not that either are particularly bright, they are just the go-directly-through-your-eyes-into-the-center-of-your-brain kind of rays. Like instant headache-inducing. The closest thing I can liken it to from the places I've lived in the states is when there is a really fine layer of clouds, so your eyes/brain THINK it's going to be a cloudy day, but then you go outside and can't open your eyes against the brightness of the sun illuminating those clouds. I sure hope someone knows what I'm talking about.

This is one of the nicest hotels in Cartagena.  It's also where the aliens decided to light the sky on fire.

 

-Every girl in the world knows the struggle of having stray hairs stick to your body and tickle you until you can get it off. Most of the time they are hanging from your tricep and you look like a dog chasing your tail trying to get at it. Welcome to every minute of every day of my life. I seem to be losing my hair more here, and I'm hoping that's just my body adjusting to the climate? The same thing happened when I first moved to California, so I'm praying it's just acclimation, and not early woman baldness. But because I have 90 hairs falling out of me any time I move, these ALL get stuck to my constantly sweaty body. And because Colombia has 360 days of sun a year, my hair is considerably lighter, making it even harder to find against my tanned skin. James jokes that my constant stream of rogue hairs are going to drive me literally insane. Joke's on him, they had already done that by month 3.

-I've complained about our constant elevator struggles before...if you will remember, we only have one functioning elevator for 18 floors worth of people. Lately, they have been doing a lot of maintenance on said elevator. Which means, we cannot use our ONE FUNCTIONING ELEVATOR. Up until yesterday, I was lucky enough to only be punished by going DOWN the stairs when the elevator was out. Yesterday, I had to climb UP 16 flights of stairs (James has had to do this 3 or 4 times by the way. Sucker.). I thought it would kill me, but I was smart and took a break every two floors. Yes, the Colombians think I am an out-of-shape gringa, but at least my heart didn't explode. Now I can check that off my Colombia bucket list. Oh wait....

The most frustrating thing about this whole process is that when the elevator is down, they don't tell you. The maintenance people have to hike up all those stairs to go about their every day cleaning anyway...why can't we just send up a few signs with them? That's all I'm asking for. The current process is to wait for the elevator for 10 minutes (a normal wait time, unfortunately), and then either one of the waiting neighbors will finally call down to the security guard on the ground floor, or everybody just assumes the elevator is down AGAIN, and makes the dangerous trek down 16 flights of stairs. Have I mentioned that this is a spiral staircase? So only one part of the step is wide enough for your foot. And 16 floors of spiraling really messes with your brain. By about the middle, my depth perception and equilibrium are way off. Just what you want when hovering hundreds of feet in the air. Luckily, as of last night, we now have TWO working elevators. I can't even imagine how this will change our life!!!

-Now I'm going to tell you what Colombia is most famous for in my mind: half-finished projects. There are maintenance workers all over this city, starting and abandoning projects. "Should we demolish and re-pour the concrete behind the lights that illuminate the wall? Yes, yes we shall. But after about 5 days, let's have about 30 completely finished, 20 finished but not painted, and 20 still in the demolition stage (yes, just leave the piles of rubble there...it will make it look like we're eventually going to start back up). Then let's just abandon all of this for a new project." The building owner across the street sees this fine workmanship and thinks "I should really paint the outside of my building. Yes, I will fix the plaster cracks (but the plaster should be the exact opposite color of my paint, so the repairs will really stand out), and then I will paint over some of it, but definitely not all of it (that would just be silly). I will also paint a few random brush strokes elsewhere on the building, just so it doesn't look like I chose to stop at a reasonable point. And then I will leave it like that for 4 months until I decide to finally make it look like the reputable hotel that it is." Good on ya, Colombia. I'm not sure if they run out of money or if they are just lazy, but I think I want to start offering my services so I can get some of these projects finished before I lose my mind.

-From what we can tell, no one here has a texting plan on their phone. I just don't think they exist. Most people have WhatsApp, which is a texting app. WhatsApp is really great, as long as you have wifi. But the Colombians seem to get around this, which makes me think that they must get some sort of WhatsApp plan from their phone carrier. WhatsApp has a function where you can record your voice and just use that as a text, instead of having to write all of those pesky words. Then, your friend gets to play your recorded message aloud, no matter where they are (movies, busy office, walking down the street alone). It confuses me, because isn't the beauty of texting that you can do it quietly, even secretly, if needed? If you're whispering into your microphone then playing your friend's message aloud, it seems like you might as well pick up the phone and make a call.

All joking aside, we really are enjoying this experience. I'm grateful that we live in a world where it's fairly easy to travel to another country and experience new cultures. While we don't love everything about Colombia, I think we will be sad to leave whenever that time comes. This has become our home away from home.

Castle, postal service, and pupi

Four months in Colombia!

Nope, not heaven.  Just the view from our bedroom. 

Fun experiences:

-We have discovered that Colombia does not have a postal service. Like none. Remember when the US was going to do that a few years ago? But then we didn't because we realized that it would create unbelievable chaos? Well, Colombia went through with it about 8 years ago. But, somehow, we have lived here for 4 months without knowing this.

So we had to send something to the states for our visa process. I found the "post office" online (for some reason, there is still an active website) and we tried to go there during Semana Santa. Naturally, everything was closed. But as we walked around, we couldn't even find this supposed "post office". We finally asked someone where it was, and he confusedly pointed to the place where you can send money and pay your bills. We assumed he was crazy, and since we needed to send the document ASAP, we went to DHL. Fifty dollars later, I had to send it to my mom instead of the destination P.O. Box because DHL doesn't send to P.O. Boxes. I put our Colombian return address inside of the envelope to make sure it would come back to us. A month later, there's no sign of it anywhere. James asked his coworkers where we can go to try to retrieve this missing document, and they basically told him it's gone forever. One of the American teachers at James's school had a package sent to her "through regular mail", and it showed up somehow 4 months later. So I'm crossing my fingers that our document will show up in 3 more months. But for now, since, ya know, we need visas, I had to have my mom send another document from Utah. After my mom talked to 2 different FedEx stores and 2 different FedEx employees on the phone, we were instructed to put a return slip ($80), and "maybe" it will get back to us. Thank goodness for mommies. But now we know that no one can ever send us anything ever.

-We see people (usually men) peeing outside all the time. Usually, they go into a relatively secluded corner/area to do their business. It rarely shocks me anymore. However, we saw a guy peeing in front of hundreds of people on the main street in Cartagena. Just right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Needless to say, I'm even more wary of questionable puddles now.

-We tried to pay tithing for the first time today (yes, this is the first time in 3 months that James has been paid), and it was a 10+ minute process. We had tried to get tithing slips before sacrament meeting, but they were nowhere to be found. When James asked someone where they were, they told him to ask this guy in the bishopric. We went into the office after church was over, and there was a line of people paying tithing...cashier style? The 2nd counselor was sitting at a little table with the secretary and was double-checking people's tithing slips and putting the money in a box. I felt like it was a test. And they were pretty apalled that we didn't know our membership numbers. Now we know that we need to prepare better, and only pay tithing anytime we have a spare 10 minutes.

-We finally went to the castle yesterday. To be perfectly honest, we didn't have high expectations. We see the castle every day and it just doesn't seem particularly impressive, other than the fact that it's a 400+ year old castle. But it was AWESOME! We could see every part of the city from the top of the castle, which was super cool. But we didn't expect to be able to go into the tunnels, but, hello, we're in Colombia. There were very few places of that castle that were off-limits. In fact, you could have easily walked off a 20 foot wall if you weren't paying attention. Colombia just lets you walk around wherever you want. It was so cool. The tunnels were definitely the best part. We even saw a bat! Which made me turn momentarily into a ridiculous 5-year-old little girl...which then made both of us laugh for 15 minutes. Hey, it cornered me! Even the top of the castle was cool...it was way bigger than we thought. If you want to see 50-odd pictures of a 400-year-old castle, look at our Facebook.

-We also visited the immigration office, which was the most beautiful place we have been in Colombia. The architecture and landscaping was AMAZING. But this is the only picture I took because I thought there would be better pictures online. I was wrong.

Differences between the US and Colombia:

-We usually pay our utility bills at the grocery store. There is not even an option to mail them in somewhere, or to pay them online. It's very convenient...but also less so? I'm so used to just sending a check in the mail or getting it taken out of my account online that it's hard to remember to pay them, even though we go to the grocery store 3-4 times a week.

-Cartagena limits the days you can drive your car/motorcycle. Seriously. Regular citizens with cars or motorcycles have 1 day a week where they cannot drive from 7 AM to 7 PM, and taxis and mototaxis cannot drive for 2 days a week. It depends on the first letter of your license plate. It's crazy. I think it's a really good idea for trying to combat the crazy traffic, but I don't own a car. If I owned a car, I'm sure I'd be pretty mad about it. But my boss made a good point...in the US, we just build new roads. Colombia just takes away driving priveleges. But really, I don't know how they would build a new road anywhere without having to destroy centuries old architecture, so I guess the license plate letters aren't the worst thing in the world.

-Colombians have a hilarious word for people who are rich, fancy, etc. It's PUPI. Pronouced just as you think it is. It's been the easiest slang for me to make a regular part of my vocabulary. It's like the most satisfying way to describe someone.

-As many of you who speak Spanish know, Latins will call each other fat and it's not offensive at all. It's like telling someone that they are tall. I was prepared for this when coming here...but my boss calls one of the 13-year-old girls at my work "gorda". It's just her nickname. The little girl isn't offended, and by no means does my boss mean it offensively, but it makes me jump every time she says it. Think about what would happen in the states if an adult called a 13-year-old "fatty". That's pretty much an instant lawsuit/viral angry Facebook post.

-I know we post too many pictures of us at the movies, but that's because it's just so great. We get to go sit in air-conditioned, comfortable seats for 3 hours, pay $12 for tickets, 2 huge drinks, and a huge popcorn, and usually we have the theater to ourselves. Well, turns out, that's because we usually go at 2:00 in the afternoon. We tried to go at 6ish, and the theater was FULL. We couldn't buy tickets. And the concession line was 20 minutes long. Four hours makes that big of a difference. Now we know.

-New movies come here at least a week early. And it's not just the Spanish dubbed version...it's the English version with Spanish subtitles. So look forward to a lot of spoilers.

-Now that it's the "rainy season", there are pretty much nightly lightning storms over the ocean. It doesn't rain, it doesn't thunder, but the whole sky lights up from lightning either super high in the clouds, or way far out over the ocean. It's crazy. But fair warning....if you go on a Caribbean cruise in April/May, it does appear that you have to deal with crazy lightning storms. But maybe that doesn't affect them as much as I would think it would.

-When it does rain/lightning in Cartagena, there is almost never thunder. I can't figure it out. I took science...why is there no thunder if the lightning is right on top of us? It's so weird!!! And on the rare occasion that it does thunder, the car alarms all go off. Oh, Colombia.

- We've talked about it before, but anytime there is music, people will stop what they are doing and dance. Or just sing at the top of their lungs. Really, they do this even without music. I'll just be walking down the street and a woman walking by herself will be singing at the top of her lungs. Or the whole bus is singing along to the radio. I feel like I'm in a musical.

-Speaking of buses...we haven't talked a lot about those. They have no shocks, and their brakes are...touchy. And we stop every 10 feet to let someone on or off. So all of this results in...carsickness. Not terrible carsickness, but just enough to make you feel uncomfortable until you can stuff your face with food. But I realized that 6th grade Ariel would have loved these buses. Remember on field trips when you would sit with your friends in the back of the bus so that you would fly out of your seat anytime you hit a bump? Any seat on these buses are like that. That would have been amazing as a 12-year-old.

-There are not a lot of crosswalks here. And even fewer that are at stoplights. So you just cross the road when you can. I am a rules person, so I generally refuse to jaywalk in the states. Now, I never use a crosswalk. It's just a constant game of Frogger.

-The other day on our way to work, we came out of our building to find a wounded donkey sitting 20 feet from our door. I don't know the story, but he had a slash in his side, and the Infant and Adolescent Police (not sure why that exists) were the first ones on the scene. Naturally? You certainly never get that in Orange County.

-And there are donkeys brays coming through our bathroom window all the time. Just in case I ever forget I'm in Colombia, that brings me right back.

-Yesterday we passed a man asking for money on the street. Not an uncommon sight, except that this guy had plugged a pothole with gravel, and was asking cars for money for his job well done. We passed him a couple of hours later, and he actually had quite a bit of money in his bucket. So if our jobs don't work out...we know what we're doing!

-Here's a picture of a statue that looks like Joseph Smith in profile. I have no idea who the statue actually is.

Well, that's a wrap for this post! We love and miss everyone!

 

Month 3...almost 4

 

It's been over a month since we've given an update, so here it is!

What we've been doing:

-James is almost finished with his first full month of his own classes. All of his classes are only a month long, so he'll be getting new students and new classes soon. He's liked having his own classes, but his favorite class was the first class he observed back in February. But girls ask him to go to the mall with them and try to add him on Facebook, so he's clearly pretty popular with his students, whether he likes them back or not. He's had some fun tangents...like what different types of underwear are called. And his students make some fun mistakes...like writing "mouse" for "mouth". Pretty close, right? 
 

Blurry panorama of one of James' classes.  Two of his three classes are almost at max capacity.

-I just got a job this last week and it's very...Colombian. I'm a tutor in the rich part of town for kids who go to bilingual schools.  I help with their English subjects (biology, geography, etc.). It's weird but fun. The teenagers I help speak almost perfect English, so I like working with them more. A lot of the little kids don't have help with their English at home, so they struggle with it and I can't communicate with them very well. So that's rough. But it's just helping my Spanish, so I can't complain. And I get to explore the other side of town (with all the American food, I might add :)) and I'm enjoying getting out of the house.

-We both got two new church callings. We're working together as advisors to the young single adults in the ward. They don't have enough YSAs down here to have singles wards, so the JAS (jovenes adultos solteros) just have their own Sunday school class, and then we have activities every once in a while. In the Colombia way, everything we do starts hours late and it's very disorganized, but I just see that as a challenge. Ariel changing Colombia, one JAS at a time. Or they will end up changing my strict ways. Either way, I'm excited to hang out with Colombians our age.

James' 2nd calling is 1st counselor in the Sunday school. Another good calling, maybe he can change the way Colombia works too. But probably not. :) My 2nd calling is probably the last calling I would ever think I would have in the church...Primary Music Director. Uh...what?! I don't even know how to lead music, people. Or sing. Nor do I speak Spanish. Uh...what?! But I am actually really excited about it. I wanted to learn Spanish from kids, and now I have that opportunity.

Fun experiences:

-Last night, the JAS put on a barbeque. Or the bishopric did? Super confusing night. Originally, it was supposed to be a barbeque for the JAS to raise money to go to the Bogota temple (20 hour bus ride, total of 6 days in Bogota), but then someone mentioned that the bishopric was throwing the party and the bishop pretty much did everything. So we're still not sure what happened last night. But let me paint a picture of the night for you:

4:50 - Ariel and James arrive, knowing that most of the people will probably be late to set up. ("Late" being 10 minutes before the event starts, hopefully). The bishop and one of the four JAS leaders are the only ones there. Music and chairs are the only things that have been set up. Truly, at this point we were actually impressed that things had been somewhat set up.

5:00 - Start of barbeque. No one is here.

5:30 - Few ward members filter in, still no JAS. I'm starting to get concerned that no one has showed up with any food?

6:00 - More ward members, 2 or 3 JAS. Still no mention of any food.

6:30 - Most ward members are here (1 1/2 hour late, let's remember), dance music starts up. Uh, are we eating at this thing?

7:00 - Three older couples in our ward have a dance off. Pretty great.

7:15 - Everyone is on their feet dancing, including the gringos. We were pressured and we definitely embarrassed ourselves. But it was fun. But uh...super hungry now and...don't we still need to cook the food?

7:30 - Colombian hermanas try to teach me how to salsa, meringue, and champeta. The moves all look the same to me and I am incapable of doing any of them. But I certainly had a good time being the awkward-moving gringa, not sarcastically. It really was a good time.

7:45 - We finally get some answers from the JAS...food has not even been started. What?! But the ward members are still enjoying dancing, so...I guess we're OK?

8:00 - Finally start preparing and cooking the food. Thin pieces of beef and sausages. Potatoes have luckily already been cooked.

James and the bishop barbequing.  James cropped the picture this way because he wanted you to get a feel of the "ambience" of our church's outdoors.

8:15 - Me and one of the mom's start bossing people around and finally start getting some food up to people.

9:00 - Only 3/4 of the people have been fed. People are finally starting to get angry.

9:15 - Last person finally gets a plate of food...James and I attack our plates and wolf down everything in 5 minutes.

Now we know what to expect from a Colombian church activity. And next time, we will eat beforehand. And I will practice my salsa, meringue, and champeta.

- First Primary sharing time goes pretty smoothly. After 2 weeks of being constantly nervous, learning 5 songs in Spanish, learning enough Spanish to be able to explain games and tell the kids to sit down, etc., it is finally over. I feel so much better now, and I'm really excited for the weeks to come!

- One of the Young Women in the ward keeps wearing a shirt that says "Here Comes the Son". I don't know if they just used the wrong son/sun, but whether it's on purpose or accident, I really like it.

Differences between Colombia and the states:

-Buses. Vendors come onto the buses and try to sell water, snacks, cure-alls, snake oil, etc. No matter what they are selling, they put it into your hands and then walk back and either collect the items back, or collect your money. I guess it's a good selling strategy?

The buses here have helper guys that try to get more people on the bus and take your bus money. That is literally their only job. I kind of want this job.

-The missionaries in James' mission always joked about the chicken in Chile. They had a brand called Super Pollo, but they referred to all chicken as Super Pollo because they pump up the chickens with hormones and then weird stuff happens to your body after you eat it. James left for his mission with minimal body hair, and returned with maximum body hair. Super Pollo. We can't confirm that Colombia has the same thing going on, but I have a 5 o'clock shadow on my legs at about noon the same day that I shave. Not really, but almost. So James and I are even more monkeyish now. Yay!

- The men here wear VERY girly backpacks. I'm talking pink flowers, Hello Kitty, Barbie, etc. We have no idea why. We have seen generic black backpacks so...why?

- It is so blazing hot here that in parking lots with a lot of motorcycles, there is a designated person to place cardboard over the seat of your motorcycle. Another job that I would willingly take.

-I forgot to mention one of the most common fashion statements: Skin-tight leggings that are stretched so tight that they are completely see-through.

-There are no diet drinks here. They have "zero" drinks, but no "diet" or "caffeine free".

-My boss's 5-year-old daughter was watching a music video with a naked Shia LaBeouf and...whoever the singer was? Maybe you know the one. Well, a 5-year-old was watching that in a place of business.

We have now been here for so long that we are running out of crazy Colombian things to talk about. We have either already been over it, or we just don't notice it because we are Colombians. I have largely forgotten what good American food tastes like, which makes my standard of living better than it was before. I just can't visit America while we live here or I will have to start all over!

People around here sometimes recognize us now, so I feel like we don't get treated like tourists as much, which also really helps. We are enjoying our life here, and we will hopefully have more to blog about as summer starts! Spoiler alert: it will probably be mostly about the heat and humidity. 

Until next time!