You've all seen the pictures, now you get to hear the tale of Aunt Jeanie's epic trip. I have plenty more to write about, including November festivos, the American election from Colombia, ghetto beach trip and more, but I feel like I need to get Jeanie's trip out of my brain before I forget all of the hilarity. So without further ado...
First, an introduction to Jeanie. Jeanie is James' hilarious, sweet, fun aunt. Like, if James were a woman, he would probably be pretty similar to Jeanie. It's fun to watch James and Jeanie banter back and forth and enjoy each other. And she's also super positive and sweet. The Colombians LOVED when she tried to speak Spanish (of which she actually learned a lot this week!) and she was so excited about EVERYTHING. She was like Buddy the Elf, but not stupid. She literally said this to James one day:
So James and I were pumped when Jeanie started seriously talking about coming down to see us.
She arrived on Saturday afternoon and was instantly taken with our ocean view from the apartment. And our apartment in general. She proclaimed it "perfect", which it honestly is (minus hot water). Saturday we just sat around and visited while Jeanie people-watched from the window. We had dinner at our favorite restaurant, La esquina de Yina, and Jeanie was super pumped about how good the food was, since we always complain about Colombian food. Yina's for the win!
Jeanie was most excited to go to church with us on Sunday. She was so amazed at how similar it is to Mormon churches in the States. Our Relief Society uses a tablecloth and flower vase and everything! But really, our church is amazing, in that it is an instant community anywhere you go, and everything is pretty much the same around the world. However, this Sunday was a little different...our ward had been to the temple in Bogota all week, so almost no one was there at the beginning because they were still on their way back. So we had Primary first, Sunday School second, and Sacrament Meeting third. Starting out with Primary was great...except I only had like 6 kids. But Jeanie loved the singing and the lesson and the Primary President's son, who really is the cutest 4/5 year old on the planet. James taught Sunday School and likened the lesson to Doctor Strange (naturally) which Jeanie and I thought was hilarious but the Colombians didn't really seem to understand. He got the point across though, and looked really cute doing it :).
Monday was our big day. We went to the castle in the morning, and Jeanie got to take her first bus ride. She loved it. We got off at the castle and were instantly ambushed by a vendor selling hats. Vendors are generally terrible, but Jeanie needed a hat so we didn't just dismiss him like we normally would. In fact, Jeanie made the mistake of looking interested, and so he wouldn't leave us alone after we walked away from his overpriced hats. But never fear, James the haggle-master is here! James got him down from 45,000 pesos ($15) to 8,000 (less than $3). Win, win, win. It was a dang good thing we bought the hat, because, while it was "cool" and overcast when we left the house, 20 minutes later at the castle it was super sunny and blazing hot. One of our first stops at the castle was a little movie in the old hospital. This was not available when James and I came the first time. We went and sat down for the last 5 minutes of it, and then the lady offered to play it again for us in English. So nice! So we watched a 25 minute movie about the castle and learned so much about Cartagena's history. Like really, the little history we thought we knew before this was wrong, and this cleared up so much confusion. To give you a mini lesson, the Spanish built the wall around the city to protect it from pirates on the Caribbean. Then the English decided to come down South America way for some reason. They were a greater threat, since they came from the bay side. So the Spanish built a subterranean wall at one entrance to the bay, and then put forts at the other. But the English somehow were still able to attack by land, so they built the castillo and protected the city from that direction. Interesting, no? Clearly I don't actually remember very much of it. But the best part of the castle other than the movie was when Jeanie got brave enough to go down into the tunnels and James tried to take her picture. I crouched in a nearby alcove so that I wouldn't be in the picture. Jeanie turned around to ask where I was and I was lurking in the shadows behind her and accidentally scared the crap out of her. Hilarious.
After the castle, we went to the mall. Jeanie was amazed at how American the mall seemed. Now you know why it's my favorite place. We meet the gringos from our ward there and were entertained all through lunch by the 3 little girls playing with their McDonald's Cajita Feliz toys. Jeanie had another A+ meal, which included chicken, pork, steak, chorizo, yuca fries, and plantain. Honestly, the best part of this trip was that Jeanie got great food every time...because it really is a hit or miss, even if you go places that you find you like. So we were super grateful for that.
The gringos dropped us off near the wall so we could go explore the center of town. Jeanie was instantly charmed by the balconies with flowers and vines growing on them, and was instantly repulsed by the black mold growing on the buildings. It's an interesting juxtaposition.
Tuesday, Jeanie went to school with James. James teaches for like 5 hours in the morning, so the plan was for me to come after the first class so Jeanie and I could do something else. But Colombia had something else in mind. The sky opened up and POURED for a few hours. It started right after Jeanie and James walked out the door and they had to huddle under a bus stop for 10 minutes before an available taxi came by. That rain was the worst weather we've seen here, besides Hurricane Matthew. It was crazy. So Jeanie had to stay for James' next class...and no one showed up. So Jeanie and James just watched the rain until I finally got there. They had a 5 gallon trash can in the courtyard of James' school, which filled up TWICE in an hour from the rain. That is some crazy rain. When I left the house, I had thought that the rain had stopped. But I was wrong. So when I got to James' school, we still couldn't do anything, so we all just sat around in an empty classroom. James' next class was speaking corner, which is where people can pay to come and speak English to a teacher for an hour. So Jeanie and I went with, and spoke to a 15 year old girl about things she liked. Spoiler alert, they were the same as an American 15 year old girl. Jeanie tried to tell her about Wyoming, but then she learned that James and I had lived in California and wanted to know all about that instead. Here's the thing...Colombians think that America is New York, Miami, or Los Angeles. Like I think if you plopped one in the middle of Nebraska, they would be so disappointed and confused. But I'm sure Americans have similar misconceptions about other foreign places too.
After we had chatted with the Colombian girl for a few minutes, Jeanie and I left James to it and went to the Bovedas. These are vaults in the old wall where people have little tourist shops. This is pretty much the only place in the city that a random person on the street speaks English. Or at least knows a few English words. We both were quickly overwhelmed by the vendors, and so we went back to meet James for lunch. For lunch, we went to Woko Woko, which is kind of like Colombia's Panda Express. It's pretty good. After that, we went to the grocery store, which Jeanie said looked just like America. Until she got to the meat section. Colombians use ALL of the animal, and display intestines, hooves, etc. So that's fun. Then we went over to the produce section, where Jeanie found green oranges, passion fruit, tree tomatoes, and yuca. The cashier didn't have 10,000 of change (about 3 dollars), so we had to wait 5 minutes for her to get the change. I'm so glad that Jeanie got to see some of our everyday Colombian experiences.
On Wednesday, James had to work until noon, so Jeanie and I went on a bus tour around the city. It was so wonderful! It was nice and cool(ish) and the headsets spoke in English. It was great! We saw all the sights, and all of the different neighborhoods (in the coastal, touristy part of the city). My favorite part was at the very beginning, when we confirmed where Gabriel Garcia Marquez's house was. There have been rumors and hearsay, but now we actually know where it is. Thanks City Sightseeing Buses!
We met James at his school and arrived in time for the last half of speaking corner again, where we talked with two other Colombian students. The girl had lived in America for a couple of years...when we asked where she had lived she said "Coral Springs" (as in Florida, the only place Colombians ever move to), but Jeanie and I heard "Colorado Springs" (like, real America) and so we got all excited and started talking about Colorado. Then James stopped us and told us it was Coral Springs, because he had made the same exact mistake the first time the girl came. Whoops! After school was out, we went to lunch in a restaurant right in front of the San Pedro cathedral. Jeanie had the Thai fish and proclaimed it to be the best fish she had ever had ever. James tried it and proclaimed the same. Score another for Colombia!
Then we explored Getsemani (the missionaries joke that it is so named because of all the blood that was spilt there...because it was the most dangerous neighborhood in Cartagena through the 70s-80s). Now it's a bohemian hipster neighborhood with tons of hostels and bars. This is where we stayed when we first came to Cartagena, and while it was fun, we much prefer our quiet beach living now. Getsemani is cool, because it has super old buildings and tons of people in the street...but it's also kind of ghetto and graffiti-y (oh, excuse me, it has a lot of "street art"). Jeanie was less charmed by this neighborhood, but we still saw some cool things. On the bus home, James told everyone in Spanish that he was going to take a picture and tried to get them to smile and say "Whisky!" (that's what they say instead of "Cheese!") and most of them were NOT amused. I heard a lot of grumbling. C'mon James! These people just want to get home!
This is my favorite grouping of people from that picture...we've got a couple of smilers, some people who are totally ignoring him, and a sassy "c'mon, really?" smile.
Thursday was our chill day. We woke up late (7:30 AM...the noise from the street usually wakes you up promptly at 6), and headed down to the beach when we felt like it. Up to this point, Jeanie had not been in our ocean at all. She had looked at it plenty, but never been in the water. We were just doing so many other things, that we didn't even realize it. She was amazed at how warm the water was, but because the day started out overcast and the ocean was slightly colder than usual, I was cold. The ocean quickly became unattractive, because there was the usual trash floating around us. We sat on the beach for a few minutes and then went to our pool. James and I were too big of babies to get in the freezing unheated pool, but Jeanie swam around for a few minutes. Then we took our chairs over to the edge and just people-watched the people on the street below and talked about books. A+ activity.
For lunch, we went into town to get some arepas at a place highly recommended by Colombians. Arepas are like the #1 food of Colombia (at least the coast where we live). They eat them everywhere, all the time. They are corn flour pockets filled with an egg, cheese, beef, or chicken, or any combination of those things. Usually they are pretty plain tasting (to me). These ones were pretty good! James and Jeanie found a sauce that they really loved, and said it transformed the arepa and was delicious. Then we went to a vendor who sells deditos (my favorite), which are the bread covered mozzarella sticks that I've raved about. Jeanie loved them. She said it tasted like the crust of a stuffed crust pizza. After that, we went to Rafael Nunez's house, which is just down the street from our apartment, and somewhere we pass on a daily basis. After going through the house, I kind of feel like an idiot for never going through before. It was free to get in, and you could pay a guide in tips. We declined the guide, because we just wanted to wander around. James and I stopped to look at something, and the security guard came up and started telling us all about the house, basically giving us a tour because he thought we were too cheap to pay a guide...which we were. Unfortunately, it was in Spanish, so James and I listened while Jeanie found a nice, cool place to sit.
Rafael Nunez was a President of Colombia in the late 19th century, who served 4 terms (not all consecutively). He is most famous for creating the constitution and for writing Colombia's national anthem (which is SUPER cool, by the way. More on that later). He got married in Panama and had a few kids, and then decided to leave his wife, but not divorce her. He then met Soledad Roman, who was a Cartagenian, and whose family owned this beautiful house. He decided to marry her, but the Catholic church had some major issues with him getting married again, since he was still married, and so Soledad was shunned at church. So she decided to build her own church right across the street from their house. Hilarious. The most interesting part for me was that Soledad's dad was a Spanish chemist who brought over a recipe for a soda drink, which is why one of Colombia's most famous drinks today is a soda called Kola Roman, after her dad! My mind was blown! Because we seriously have that drink at any Colombian event. James always describes it as "red flavor", but I would describe it as incredibly sweet artificial strawberry? It's pretty good, and I like it more now that I know it's history (for some reason).
That night, we took Jeanie to Crepes & Waffles at the rich people mall in Bocagrande. Our crepes were delicious. Then we went to see Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. It was in English with Spanish subtitles, so it was pretty much the same as in America. But we sprung for the preferential, expensive leather seats (still less than $5 a ticket), so we watched in style. Jeanie liked the movie (she hasn't read the full Harry Potter series) and James and I were slightly disappointed at things, but also pleasantly surprised by others. I give it a B. But Jeanie got to see the Colombian hot dogs that they pile with sauces, and the popcorn popper's display sign, which is still in display mode and says things like "Happy Easter", and "8 bright colors for you to choose from!". We haven't figured out if they just haven't read the manual and don't know how to change it, or if they just don't care. Either way, loads of laughs for us.
Friday we woke up early to hop on the boat to the Rosario islands. This time with Jeanie, we opted for the day tour package which left at 9 and came back at 3:30. We got one of the cheaper packages, so we were on board with all Latins, not a gringo in sight. We smushed into a seat with 2 Colombian women, and were packed tighter than sardines. But Jeanie LOVED the boat ride. Before we were even out of the bay, the sky opened up and started to pour again. We had just made a stop at an island that is really close to Cartagena, Tierra Bomba. We picked up another boat hand there, and then headed back out to sea. About 5 minutes later, it was raining so hard that we had to turn back to that island. In that 5 minutes, everyone on that boat was soaked through, despite the fact that we had an awning over us. I literally had a puddle in the lap of my dress. So we turned back to the island and they parked the boat on a random crop of sand right by a construction site. So Tierra Bomba doesn't have the best reputation for being the safest place, and even as you pass the little villages you think, "yeah, I would probably get killed there". But when it's too rainy, you gotta pull in! So the boat hands carried all of the ladies off of the boat and onto the sand and the guys had to hop out and get even more wet. But I thought that was very courteous.
That's a poor, Colombian stranger hefting me out of the boat...other victims of the rain on the beach...and in the background, the construction zone we invaded for shelter from the rain.
So our whole boat (50 people) went and huddled under this building that was being constructed. It was so hilarious, and I'm so happy that this happened. But the coolest thing was that not a single person was mad or upset about it. They were all so chill and happy to be out of the rain. We talked about how in America, people would be demanding their money back and furious that they parked on this sketchy island, etc. Not a single person was the least bit upset. We have a lot to learn from Colombians.
We only huddled under the building for about 10 minutes and then the rain had mostly stopped, so we climbed back in the boat. I was super grateful that we weren't all freezing to death for the rest of the boat ride. Being on a boat is generally COLD. But not in Cartagena! We were a little cold when we were sopping wet from the rain and huddled under shelter, but once the rain stopped, it was fine. I thought that the rest of the boat trip would be miserable, because we'd be wet and in the ocean air. But it was totally fine, and we even started to dry off. Have I mentioned how much I love the heat here? So we rode about 30 minutes to our first stop, the aquarium. The aquarium was pretty tiny, but they only give you an hour to look around, so it was about perfect. They had a couple of large tanks with medium-small fish and turtles, and then the had pens (?) outside with the bigger fish. The cool/slightly ghetto thing about the aquarium was that the pens were literally just fenced off parts of the ocean. And really, why not? It's their natural habit anyways...and I bet they saved a TON of money doing it that way. The only problem was that it was hard to see through the darkish water when it was overcast, and then when the sun came out, there was a glare on the water. So you had to kind of stand at an angle to actually see any fish. But they had sweet fish! James was enamored with the nurse sharks, and repeatedly touched them (no, they weren't in a touch pool...there just weren't any rails or employees to stop you from touching them). I loved the dolphins who were sort-of-trained? They had a trainer do a show but the dolphins followed her directions like 80% of the time. So that was funny. The coolest part wasn't even a part of the show, but at the beginning and end, when the trainer hopped in the water and had one of the dolphins push her to the stage in the middle. No big deal, just she just has a dolphin slave.
While everyone was gathered around another tank, two men passed us with a large piece of foam with a large animal inside. I thought it was a big dead tuna for a shark or something, but turns out they were transporting a live baby dolphin. I guess that works? But I don't think the creators of Blackfish would like it.
Dolphin transport foam...and a better picture of the ocean pens.
There were also non-performing dolphins in the next cage over...when we walked up, one was slightly out of the water just gazing at the open ocean which was only separated by a chain link fence that came 6 inches out of the water. So we joked that the dolphin was sad, just gazing out at freedom. But the hilarious thing was that he didn't move the whole time we were there. He really was just gazing out at the open ocean. And then two of his buddies joined him and just gazed out to sea. C'mon dolphins, you can jump a 6 inch fence! It was sad, but also really funny because they acted like humans.
So by the islands, the water is super clear and shallow, and if there isn't dark coral beneath you, you can see down to the bottom. So while the boat was briefly stopped in the middle of the ocean, I looked down into the water and saw two rays swim past along the bottom. No big deal.
After the aquarium, we hopped on the boat to Playa Blanca, which is the most famous beach in this area. It's a white sand beach that is just swarming with tourists and vendors. Luckily, our boat dropped us off on the less busy side of the beach, but it was still super crowded. We headed over to get our lunch which is included in the ticket. Everyone generally gets the same lunch which is a fried fish (totally intact, bones, head, and eyes included), coconut rice, "salad" (chopped up cabbage and carrots drizzled with oil), fried plaintain, and limeade.
Jeanie and James liked their lunch and I was happy to find that I could get chicken instead. After lunch, we headed to the beach. It's a super steep beach, so there's no room for you to lay out. And there is no stretch of sand that is not covered by a cabana or umbrella. So James haggled us a reasonably priced cabana and we headed out to the water. So it's a white sand beach with beautiful blue water...but it's also dirty. In our first 5 minutes, I saw a suspicious looking brown lump headed our way, so I asked James what it was. I was thinking maybe a gross looking tree part, or maybe even a small bag of garbage...but he picks it up and identifies it as a DIAPER. That's the worst thing it could have been! We made a beeline for a different spot, but we were all disenchanted pretty quickly. Also in the water where guys on jet skis trying to get you to pay to take them out...but they were feet away from the swimmers. No one go underwater, because you may get run over by a reckless jet ski! Jeanie went to the beach to sleep off the effects of the Dramamine (tell me about it) and I read. Once again, the clouds started moving in and despite the fact that the water was >80 degrees, I started getting cold. But I found a small place that I could lay out in the half sun behind our cabana. Up to this point, I had been very impressed with the vendors. Everyone always complains about how aggressive the vendors are on Playa Blanca but we would just tell them "no, gracias" and they'd walk away. I mean, we had to do that to a new one every 5 minutes, but it was still way less than I had expected. Just as I was reflecting on that, one of the dreaded sunscreeners came by. She told me she'd sunscreen me up as a gift, no money, it's a gift. Yeah, right. I used all of our usual tactics to deny her, and nothing worked. Finally, she was able to get past my defenses and slop some sunscreen on me (which is when they think they have you), and I had to get up from my towel to get her to stop. She finally walked away. C'mon!
At about 3:30, we headed back to Cartagena, and had another wonderful boat ride, this time minus the rain and beaching at a scary island. We had made arrangements to have dinner at the other gringos' apartment, so we hopped on a bus and showed up to their house in all of our beachy, sandy glory. We had chimichangas and were entertained by the three girls regaling us with 4 different renditions of the happy birthday song. So that was hilarious and fun. But after seeing the rich, Americanized side of town, Jeanie decided that she liked where we lived better. And we agree.
Saturday we walked along the wall and through the center again. We went through the Museo de Oro (gold museum) which was also free, but nothing to write home about. We had some ice cream in our favorite ice cream place by James' work (Jeanie got Kola Roman flavor), and then we headed back to the apartment for a quick lunch and tearful goodbyes. One of the things Jeanie really wanted to do on this trip was ride a mototaxi. James does this pretty much every day, but I'm still too big of a wuss to do it! Not Jeanie! Jeanie and James hopped on two motos and I took the bus. The mototaxists were super nice and stayed near each other so James could get some hilarious pictures and videos. But really, is there anyone cooler than Aunt Jeanie?
We were so glad that someone came to visit us in Colombia, and we were doubly glad that that person was Aunt Jeanie. I'm certain I'm forgetting things, but I think you get the general idea of the trip. Lots of fun!
And people, we now have an actual guest bed in our apartment, so I'm hoping that this post entices someone else to come visit us. Any takers?
