Disclaimer - I talk about a lot of science and events, current, future, and past, in this blog, without having done, uh ANY, research. So don't take my word for it. But I call things as I hear/see them. But it all may just end up being a very bad round of Telephone.
Fun experiences:
- We went to one of the Rosario Islands for James' birthday weekend. The Rosario islands are an archipelago of 27 islands about an hour down the coast from Cartagena. We went to the biggest island, fittingly called Isla Grande. The day of our trip, we went through the mildly confusing lines at the dock and waited for our whole boat to show up. We actually left on time, and the boat ride was glorious. I LOVE being on boats, but I get sea sick pretty quickly. So I always take a Dramamine or two, but then I'm super drowsy and, frankly, delirious (even with the non-drowsy kind). Luckily, I did not get sea sick or delirious this time! The first half hour of the trip was spent in the Cartagena bay. The sun was beating on us, the boat wasn't going crazy fast, and the wind was perfect. The tour guide pointed out some landmarks along the way and we saw different parts of Cartagena, which was cool. We also passed the island that is right off of the coast of Cartagena, Tierra Bomba, and decided that we should go there and spread the gospel...or get killed. Maybe if we ever come back here, we'll live there. Once we finally got out to open water, the wind was slightly colder, and the ocean was choppy, but overall still a delightful boat trip.
One of the humble villages on Tierra Bomba...not my picture, but a good representation of life on the island.
We got to our resort and were ushered in for our orientation. Most tourists who come to Cartagena usually make the Rosario Islands one of their stops, despite the fact that it's a little bit of a hassle (I think). But MOST people who go to the islands are just there on a day trip. So they leave at 9:00 AM from Cartagena and have to get back on the boat on the islands at 3:00 PM. But during that time, they get to enjoy the resort. We didn't think it was worth the money to do that, so we paid a little more and stayed the night, meaning we had the resort pretty much to ourselves after 3:00 PM. That's the way to do it, if you ever go to the islands. We got juice upon entering the resort and I think it was the tastiest juice we've had since coming here. We asked the guy multiple times what it was made of, and he just kept saying "fruit". So that's pretty sketchy. But it was delicious. We went and staked out some hammocks and just tried to kill the time until lunch time, because we were starving. We love all-inclusive resorts because you can eat any time you want. Seriously, I think eating any time we want is our number one thing in common with each other. So we were expecting this all-inclusive island resort to be the same as our cruise and our Mexican resorts. Silly us, having expectations in Colombia. The guy at the desk told us that lunch was from 12:30-2 and dinner was from 7-8:45, and then we'd get breakfast and lunch the next day. And that's all we got. We tried to go to the pool bar and see if they would feed us, and they told us that we only get the meals for free. And they didn't have anything anyways. It was at this point that we realized we DID NOT bring enough snacks. I initially wrote like 4 paragraphs detailing the ridiculousness of every meal, but I ended up deleting them because they were just negative. So let's just leave it at this: this all-inclusive resort was different from others we have been to and we would not pay for it again.
After lunch, we went back to the room where I promptly feel asleep on top of the covers in a Dramamine induced coma. Poor James. When I woke up, we wandered around the mangrove forests and found two other resorts plus a grouping of abandoned buildings where we almost certainly would have been killed if it had been dark. There were land crabs EVERYWHERE in the mangrove forests. And we got eaten ALIVE by mosquitos. And we totally had bug spray laying on our bed in the room, too. Stupid Bullingers. I still look like a meth addict a week and a half later. The forests were cool, but alas, we did not see any monkeys or cool island wildlife.
Worth mentioning is the only other gringo at the resort at this point. He was a man in his 50s with a smoking hot Colombian "companion" in her 40s. We tried to figure out what the arrangement was here because they were super PDA but clearly didn't know each other very well. She spoke very broken English and he did not speak a word of Spanish. My theory was that they had been chatting online for 3 months and he finally came down to meet her in person. Whatever the arrangement, it was clear by the boat ride home that neither of them got what they had expected from this trip, if you know what I mean. But this gringo man deserves a mention. He was the worst possible gringo tourist. Never tried to speak Spanish, spoke English to the employees whom he knew did not speak English, demanded to speak to someone who spoke English (of which there were none), talked about how ridiculous Colombian things were, asked for extra things and service that no one else asked for, and commanded his girlfriend to translate things that she clearly did not want to translate. He was the worst, but also hilarious to watch. I just felt bad for the Colombian employees. I'm sure they were so happy when he left the next day.
The next morning after breakfast, we went to go grab some hammocks before the new horde of day-trippers arrived, and got stopped by a Colombian who wanted to take us snorkeling. James talked him down to half price (ended up being about $15 total for both of us) and we grabbed our snorkels and left. He took us to the other side of the island and we snorkeled for about a half hour with a Colombian couple that had come along with us. I had never seen coral, tropical fishes or anything like that, but James had, so he wasn't impressed. But there were lots of cool fish and the water was the perfect temperature and perfectly clear. We hopped back in the boat and he took us to a different part of the island where Pablo Escobar (allegedly) had sunk one of his planes. Uh...what?! James and I hopped out of the boat to go take a look (the Colombians couldn't swim in deep water) and looked down about 20 feet to see the eeriest thing I've ever seen. The plane was only about 20 feet down but you could see it perfectly from the surface. It was just a little plane, but it had been down there 20+ years (according to our guide) and so things were growing on it, swimming through it, etc. And the ocean wasn't as clear there, so it was weirdly shadowed and had a green tinge. Super spooky and one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I was super excited to get back home to research it, but after James and I looked on the internet for 20+ minutes, we could not find any record of Pablo Escobar sinking a plane near Isla Grande. Even while editing this post, I went back to see if I could find record of it...still no. So, uh...what the heck was that? Or is this some conspiracy? Super weird. On a similar note, across the small cove from the sunken plane was a huge abandoned estate. We excitedly asked the guide who owned that house, naturally thinking it was Pablo Escobar's, and he said "Oh, some guy tried to build a resort and he ran out of money so his son takes care of it now." Even from across the cove we could see that there were at squatters living there, since there was laundry strung up, so his story seemed strange. We were disappointed, but upon our research when we got home, we found out that that WAS Pablo Escobar's house, and there are squatters/protectors living there, making sure no one takes over his grounds? Here's an interesting and eerie read about it: http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/breaking-into-the-ruins-of-pablo-escobar-s-secret-island-mansion. But why did our guide say it was someone else's? SO WEIRD! But definitely the coolest part of the trip.
Pablo's former island estate
We got back to the hotel and swam until lunch. The water by our hotel was clear for about 30 feet, then dropped off into coral and open ocean. But there were more fish in the water by our hotel than there were out where we snorkeled. We may or may not have seen a barracuda and we saw the weirdest looking needle fish ever. They were my favorite of the trip. Lunch was pretty uneventful, except for the gross pudding dessert that still haunts me, and then we swam some more before the boat came at 3. In this time, the new wave of people had shown up, so the table where we had laid our stuff in the morning to go swimming was occupied when I got out of the water. One of the guys (picture a Latin Hank from Breaking Bad) asked if it was OK if they put their stuff there and I told him it was fine. Then he offered me some rum, which I declined. James came up and he started talking to them. Turns out they were Peruvian and they hate Colombian food as much as we do. Fun coincidence...other guy in the party was wearing a Heisenberg shirt. Latin Hank and Heisenberg! Is it sad that that was one of the highlights of the trip for me? We had another delightful boat ride home in the setting sun. One of the Colombians in the boat pulled out a baby bottle, poured a juice box of Ensure into it, grabbed her 4-YEAR-OLD, tipped him back and plunked the bottle in his mouth. Baby bottle for a 4-year-old? Oh, Colombia. Anyways...overall, it was a great trip.
Neither of these are our pictures, but they look like the Barracuda and Needlefish that we saw.
-So apparently there has been a war going on in Colombia? I know it makes us sound downright ignorant to say that we had no idea that it was going on but...we had no idea it was going on. Apparently the guerillas (the Farc) have been fighting the government in the interior of the country. Who knew? But they have finally reached an agreement to end the fighting, and so they will be signing a treaty with the Colombian president later this week. The best part (and really the only reason we know about any of this) is that the Colombian president and Farc leaders will be signing said treaty right next door to James' school! Pretty cool, right? And, bonus, he gets that day or the next Monday off, because it will now be a national holiday. September is one of the only months that does not have a national holiday in Colombia, but not anymore! So we'll be witnessing history...the end of a war, and a new national holiday. I think that's pretty cool! I hope we see/experience something in that time but...really, it will probably just be a normal day. We'll see and report back.
-Speaking of the Farc, one of its leaders was captured and put on house arrest in the rich part of Cartagena. Some Cartagena residents decided to take matters into their own hands and try to kill him, so there was a shoot-out a few days ago, a mere 3 miles from our house. I'm just surprised that things like this can happen so close to you, and it doesn't affect your day at all. Not to say that these things happen here all the time...because they never do...but I think I would have affected me more in the states, but that's just because it would have been all over TV and social media. You can't get away from stuff in the states.
-Last weekend, I went to a baby shower for one of the ladies who is in Primary with me. I walked onto the patio and Big Mama, her mom who is also in our ward, looked at me with delight and then the expression quickly turned to one of worry, and then she plastered a smile on, but still had worried eyebrows. It was hilarious. I will never forget that moment. You know when you invite a friend to a party, and you really want her to come, but you know that it will be awkward for her because she doesn't know the rest of your friends? That is exactly what was running through this woman's mind. So I tried to act really enthusiastic so she wouldn't worry about me...but then after 5 minutes, Big Papa kicked someone out of their seat so I could sit next to a woman from Bogota who spoke English. I was kind of bummed, because I was hoping (and dreading) to get out of my comfort zone a little and try to communicate with the rest of the party, but I ended up having a really nice time speaking English with this woman. And I got a few awkwardly phrased Spanish conversations in as well. So all in all, I had a good time at the party. My favorite part was when they passed around a plate of deditos, which are breadsticks filled with mozzarella. Those are my favorite things I've found in Cartagena. But these were even better. They were batter dipped or something, so the outside was similar to a Utah scone (or a Native American scone? I'm not really sure what those are, but I've only ever had them in Utah). They were delicious. So they sent deditos around twice, then chips, soda, marshmallows, lollipops, caramels, and rice with hot dogs and chicken and crackers. And that was just while I was there...who knows what else they had after I left. They had a table full of cake and cookies, so there was at least that as well. Moral of the story, Colombians know how to party.
Differences between the states and Colombia:
-The dogs here are weird looking. Manginess aside, they are breeds that I have never seen before. James says that they look like dogs that have bred with anteaters. That is exactly what they look like. Their noses are longer and pointier, their bodies are a little bit too long, and their tails are skinny and gross. Just picture a medium-sized, tan-colored dog breeding with an anteater, and you've got it.
- A lot of the girls/women here don't shave their armpits or legs. And if they shave, they usually only shave their calves, which means that you can see their dark, curly, thigh hair when they wear short shorts. Which they do often. So it's every woman's dreamland.
-Sales tax here is like 16%. That's crazy, right?! We used to complain about 8+% in California, but geez! The weird thing is that I didn't notice this until recently. We noticed it when we go to the rich part of town because our Subway total is greater, but I just thought that the tax was higher there. And I still think it is only in parts of town...but I haven't quite figured it out yet. Sometimes I pay 16% and sometimes I pay less.
- Our utilities have been all over the place lately. One day, they turned off our gas for all day. They warned us the day before, so we were prepared, but then instead of one day, it ended up being 2 1/2. Which meant I couldn't cook for like 5 meals. It was not good. Luckily, we have a microwave and toaster oven, but they don't really sell freezer meals here...so we had to get pretty creative. Then yesterday, they told us the water would be off from 2-6. The water finally came on at 7:50. I just try really hard not to actually expect things to come on when they say they will...but it doesn't work. I just get angry. Maybe by the end of our time here, I'll be more laid-back.
- In the states, people talk about how delicious Colombian coffee is. Being non-coffee drinkers ourselves, we don't really know. But Cartagenians and tourists alike say that the coffee here is terrible. They ship all of the good stuff out of the country. So that's interesting.
- When we were on the island, the smell that I call "the Colombia smell" was super strong. I was confused, because the island was relatively clean and not filled with thousands of people. BUT we went wandering through the mangrove forests and James said that one of his students told him that mangroves give off methane gas, so my "Colombia smell" has actually just been tree farts, not trash, pee, and gross food like I thought. While I'm sure those do contribute to the overall aroma of Cartagena, the pungent Colombia smell is actually just coming from the mangroves surrounding the lagoon. I'm relieved and disgusted.
- I was trying to find a way to send documents here from America this week for less than $80 (seriously). While searching, I came across a blog that could have been written by me, if I was a better writer. Seriously, it's PERFECT. An Irish guy living in Cali, Colombia (other side of the country) wrote about 21 things he hates about Colombia. I don't want that to turn you off, because he actually really loves living in Colombia and is generally positive about it, but this post talks about dang near every single thing that makes Colombia seem ridiculous to our more developed (spoiled) countries. I loved it, and thought I'd share it here in case you guys also wanted to take a gander: https://thedancingirishman.com/2013/02/12/21-things-i-fking-hate-about-colombia/ . Like this man, I also think that there are a lot of great things about Colombia, and I don't want to focus on the negative, but it's a hilarious article that I feel like paints a pretty good picture of what it's like for an American/European to live here.
That's all for this week! Chao!
